11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
