she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
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