Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
