This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
