did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
