As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
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