I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
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