The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
