i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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