I never want to see another naked old woman again.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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