WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
