my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
