It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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