there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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