I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
the liver wants what the liver wants
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Randomize
