I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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