dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
