DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
