i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
