is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
