I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
