angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
