Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
