you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
