I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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