The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Success! We fucked roommates!
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
