She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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