He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
