I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
