the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I accidentally had phone sex last night
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
