from now on my penis is your penis
My Higher Power is John Stamos
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
We left the knife in your bed.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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