1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
