the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
