But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
