ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
