i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Randomize
