He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
