This dress was meant to end up on your floor
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
