I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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