Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
