Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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