Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
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