Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
