so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
