i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I want to be your penis for a week.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
