well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
