think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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