all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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