Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
