Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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