I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Randomize
