ugly people sure do ruin things
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
