Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
