2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Your tits are I can't wait for
you have to choose: penises or morals?
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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