On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
