I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
